Ela´s SMS Faq

Backcover desription #1 - Penguin Land
Yes, the back of the carts used to bring some information about the game we were about to buy, but sometimes we had the pleasure to read some "fine" jokes like this. No comments.

Now this is an exclusive information for The Ela Fountain: we have found the people whose adventures inspired the game Miracle Warriors! Look at the photo, and you'll be able to recognise Medi, Guy, Treo, and the hero of the story, that in fact didn't have a name. "He's usually pretty bothered because he never had a real name" says Medi, "but since in the screenshots inside the manual he appeared as

"Hatt", we use to call him like that. I asked Treo about the other guy that appears in the photo, and he told me: "oh, that's a long story. His name is Clementine, and he was Terarin's hermaphrodite lover. When we defeated Terarin, he joined us telling everybody that he was the fifth Miracle Warrior, but that's just not true. He comes with us everywhere we go, trying to control everything we do, and everything we eat (he's a vegetarian). He even stole my axe one day, he's a real pain in the ass".

I asked Guy what happened after defeating Terarin. "Well, to be honest, nothing at all. Everybody was so happy and they treated us like real heroes, but a month passed, and we were totally forgotten. Much like the ghostbusters after their first movie. Hatt has a cronical depression since then, and a huge addiction to smoking large quantities of healing herbs, the ones that the old fucking with used to sell to us during the game. And 2000 guilders for a dose is really steep indeed!"

My Hero is a game everybody seems to hate. My question is: how can you hate a game that features characters like this? Let's face the situation. Your girlfriend has been kidnapped by a bunch of punks that pretend to be tough and bad as hell. But suddenly, this person appears. He's a punkie ugly dwarf, and that alone is not very good, but...he rides a pig! In his defense, he said "oh, don't get mad at me! My friend Salustio stole my motorbike, so I needed something that could move quickly, and make scary noises, and I needed it fast! My mum is a farmer, and this is all I could get. Bottom line".

No matter how much we love our SMS games. Nobody can deny that most of the early SMS titles had manuals and descriptions that were everything but 'descriptive'. Some of them were short, silly, funny, and even sad. Let's take a look at some of them...

Ghost House enemy description #1
Yeah, and if you ever find more DRACULAS, even if they are dummy DRACULAS, be sure to kill the DRACULAS fast, or the DRACULAS could get angry, and an angry DRACULAS is not a good thing, because DRACULAS are just that, DRACULAS.

Ghost House enemy description #2
Oh, but come on! How can we get slightly involved in a game if it has descriptions like these? Oh, a Derobat is "a noisy bat". And the mummy is..."a horrible fellow"! Can you imagine if these manual-writers had to describe your life?

1-Your wife: A noisy chick
2- Your mother in law: A horrible fellow
3- Your car: A cute thing.
4- Your penis: A friendly limb
5- Your house: A dirty hut
6- Your school: A deadly place
7- Your boss: A tough guy
8- Your parents: A weird couple
The list could go on... :)