What the...? Page 4

Ah, profesor Playor... I'm sure you all remember him. He was a nice old man who used to appear at the end of some of the early games' manuals, and gave us incredible hints that helped us go through every game without any problems. Some of his advice included tips like "jump over the enemies and you won't lose a life", "don't let the counter reach zero, or you'll lose a life", or "kill your enemy by throwing an axe at him". I wonder what life would have been without him...

Anyway, one day he disappeared from our manuals, and we all felt totally lost without him. And well, after months and months of countless phone calls, e-mails and research, I finally found the real Profesor Playor and met him in person!

Here on the right you can see a picture of Mr. Playor himself, back in the days when he used to work for Sega, so now you can put a face to that silly drawing that came with the manuals.
Our conversation lasted for hours and hours, but I'd like to show you some excerpts of it...
Ela Fountain: Dear Profesor Playor...why did you give such a miserable advice and non-useful hints? Your page on the manual could have been used to give free coupons for pizza or beer.
Mr. Playor: Well, I've been asked this question countless times, dear Thöja... The fact is the real hints and tips I wanted to give were so amazing they made the games totally easy and eliminated any secrets from them. Keep in mind I know everything from early SMS games, like the secret character in Phantasy Star, the alternate Wonder Boy in Monster Land ending or the secret sub-games in Alex Kidd in Miracle World. Maybe you know these cheats already...

Ela Fountain: No.
Mr.Playor: Ok, I'll tell you later about them.
Ela Fountain: Why did you disappear from the SMS manuals?
Mr. Playor: Well, it was because of the good cheats I told you about. I managed to include the round-select cheat in the first Wonder Boy. I thought it was harmless, but my boss decided it hadn't been a good decision and I got kicked. Sadly I'm working in the hard field of B porn movies since then....

So this was part of our conversation with Profesor Playor. I'm sure knowing a bit more about this man will change your thoughts about him forever, about a man with a past full of troubles and rebellion...

"hi,
this is oli from the video game museum again.
i love your "what the...?" section.
so i thought i sent you this interesting pic.
it's from space harrier 3-d. ever played it? man, what a bad feeling to be smashed against a huge dick."

Submitted by Lazy Oli, from www.vgmuseum.com

Hmmm, it's true, I hadn't noticed so many phalic references in the Space Harrier games, and this pic certainly shows that the programmers either had a small trauma or they needed love and affection. Anyway, as Oli said, it's sad to die, but when you die smashed against a huge dick it's even worse! If only it was against a huge pair of tits... Thanks Oli!

Now that we're speaking of Space Harrier, I couldn't help showing you this strange SH wannabe I found the other day. Programmed by a company called "Pony Cannon, inc" (the same famous company that released games like ....um...and....eh..) and released by the Nintendo Famicom in Japan, this miserable game (called Animal Attack or something like that) features a girl in school uniform that fights against a big army of stupid animals, like turtles, weird fishes or unrecognizable enemies.
There are enemies that, although having a different shape, keep exact movements and attacks as others featured in the original Space Harrier.
And the weird thing is, much to my dismay, the game itself is not bad, it's kinda well done and can be fun for a couple of hours... if you can forget about the totally stupid enemies you'll have to fight, like the gay kangaroos or that silly koala-priest you can see in the pictures.

I have always wondered about this poster. In the arcade version of Double Dragon, there were some posters on the walls too, but the people pictured was just the bad guy that had kidnapped Marian, your girlfriend (Jeff, or whatever was his name).
But this time we have a mysterious person pictured on the poster. Who could it be? I had a friend when I was a child (hi Marcos!), who used to tell me all the time that he knew him. Of course, I never believed him (or did I? Hey, I was an innocent child!).

If you have any information about who is this guy, I would appreciate it a lot. Could it be the programmer? Some people even say he's Rick Astley, that crappy singer from the mid-Eighties. I realy hope he's not!

Found in Teddy Boy, this girl could win the award for "most useless and stupid character to appear in a videogame ever". But some obscure sources have sent me the uncensored, real version of the first edition of the game in Japan: